68: Occupant Sin 4 - xlix. Sith Happens

Page Notes

Episode published on Thursday 11th of August, 2011.

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Well it was announced a few weeks back that they're going to be releasing a remastered version of Resident Evil 4 in HD in a few months. So you know what that means? DETULUX IS RELEVANT AGAIN!

Most of this confrontation is cribbed directly from Resident Evil 4, except in the Detulux version Peon hasn't been nearly as competent so the main antagonist really has no idea who he is when they finally meet. The act of firing bullets out of his palms is one of Lord Saddler's more random but cool powers, along with gliding across the room at speed.

Tagged: The Captain, Hayley the President's Daughter, Location - Burdener Island, Location - Spain, Lord Almond Burdener, Mara Kyler, Max Valerion, Peon F. Kennedy

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Comments

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Transcript

Title - 68: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xlix. "Sith Happens"

(The Captain and Pain enter a laboratory-type area, pulling open some large double-doors. In the foreground we see Hayley the President's daughter behind some glass.)

Captain: What are we doing, Boss? We're just running around!
Pain: We're stalling for time. And never underestimate the power of running around aimlessly!

(Entering the laboratory, they see Hayley strapped into a pod. She's asleep.)

Captain: Yo, it's the president's daughter!
Pain: And the annoying cow is unconscious, thank god!
Captain: Strapped into a big chair…Burdener's into some kinky stuff!

(Pain scratches his chin and the Captain scratches the back of his neck while they examine the pod. Cables run around the pod and connect to a nearby console. A fine mist permeates the lower half of the room. There's a gantry nearby loaded up with red barrels labelled with highly-flammable symbols.)

Pain: Looks like the metrosexual with the bleached hair and the GAP jeans couldn't keep her safe.

(As if on cue, Peon emerges from behind them through the now-open double-doors, pistol raised.)

Peon: Freeze!

(Pain and the Captain raise their hands in surrender, Pain doesn't seem too concerned by this turn of events.)

Pain: Speak of the devil.

(Peon approaches, gun raised.)

Peon: I don't know who you are, and I don't care. I'm here for Hayley.
Pain: (reassuringly, pointing at Peon) You carry on, sunshine.
Captain: Yeah, we're on your side.
Pain: (grinning) Well, to a point.
Peon: And I'm not a metrosexual. I just take care of my appearance. For the ladies.

(Pain scowls, lowering his hands and pointing accusingly at Peon.)

Pain: Whatever, Mr. DiCaprio. Just get the girl out of here before Darth Sidious-
Voice: (stylised in the manner of the game Phoenix Wright) OBJECTION!

(Lord Burdener appears. He's holding his Nintendo DS and doesn't appear to realise there are other people in the room as he looks at his toy.)

DS: CRACK! BLIP-BLIP-BLIP
Burdener: (to the DS) Ha! How's that for a rebuttal? Edgeworth, you cretin, I am always two steps in front-

(He looks up from his DS and realises there are intruders present. The Captain still has his hands up.)

Burdener: ...
Pain: ...
Captain: Uh-oh.

(Burdener is immediately furious, dropping his Nintendo DS. His robes flap dramatically in the breeze of a conveniently-placed fan, labelled the "fan of dramatic convenience".)

SFX (fan): WHIRR
Burdener: YOU!! PAIN! WHERE'S MY THRONE?!

(Pain seems surprised.)

Pain: If only Ben were here...(yelling, cupping his hands to throw his voice further) I said, if only Ben were here!

(Pain smiles at the Captain, who smiles back.)

Pain: …Damn. Always works in the movies.
Captain: It was worth a try!

(Burdener glides across the ground, smiling as he pushes Pain in the chest with one hand. Burdener's hood flies back, revealing his head. Pain is launched backwards into the Captain, a close-up of his face looking pained.)

SFX: WHUMPF!
Captain: Agh!
Pain: Urk!

(Pain and the Captain are launched across the room into the pod containing Hayley with a "THUD!". Peon raises his gun at Burdener. Burdener responds by gliding across the floor and picking Peon up by the throat.)

Peon: Gurk!
Burdener: Hello! I have no idea who you are, but it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance!

(Burdener throws Peon across the room with little effort, he hits the wall with a "WHUMP!". Suddenly, a submachine gun is fired from up on the gantry.)

SFX (gun): BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA

(Bullets pepper Burdener in his back, he winces in pain.)

SFX: BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA PFCHUK FWIP
Burdener: Urghhh...

(It turns out it is Samada up on the balcony firing the gun.)

SFX: BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA
Samada: Pain! Get those two out of here!
Pain: Right!

(Stars circle the Captain's head as he recovers from being crushed between Pain and the pod. Pain elbows the big red release button on the side of the pod. The pod releases Hayley.)

SFX: VRRR FWISH

(Pain grabs Hayley by the shoulders and pushes her into Peon's hands.)

Pain: You, FBI moron. Get lost, now.

(Pain turns to face Burdener as he helps the Captain to his feet. Bullets are leaking from Burdener's hands, much to Samada's surprise.)

Samada (thinking): He's ejecting bullets through his palm!

(Back on his feet and pissed off, Captain removes his Uzis from his vest and levels them at Burdener with a "click".)

Captain: I've got this covered, Boss! Eat lead, asshole!

(He pumps Uzi rounds into Burdener, who just laughs, points his arm at Pain's feet and returns fire. Pain does an awkward dance as the bullets whizz past his feet.)

Pain: (yelling red-faced into the Captain's face) Captain! STOP GIVING HIM AMMO!
Captain: (ceasing fire) Oh right. My bad!
Samada: You guys get out of here! I've got business to settle with Lord Burdener.

(Pain ponders momentarily at Samada's comment.)

Pain: A more upstanding gentleman would rush to the fair lady's aid…

(He grins sarcastically and points to Samada.)

Pain: ...If I happen to bump into one, I'll send him your way!

(Pain and Captain make a break for the door at the back of the room.)

Pain: RUNNING!

Episode tagline: Panel 3, cut thought bubble dialogue for the Captain: “Is it wrong for me to tap that? Is it just as wrong for me to be happy enough to tap that in front of my boss?”. Also, note that this is around the third impact the Cap has received to his head…I think that explains a lot.