Page Notes
Episode published on Tuesday 3rd of July, 2007.
It's implied that Lord Saddler spends most of the game sat on his arse. Fair enough, I suppose. When you're the big villain, you get the call the shots from comfort.
I wish Salvador's castle was as easy to escape as depicted in this strip; it isn't. You do genuinely have to face tall blind men with Wolverine claws, oversized acid-spewing bugs, sentient suits of armour, more cave trolls (this time in gimp outfits!), monks with rocket launchers, monks with headshot-preventing head armour and a giant walking stone statue of Salvador. Not all at once, obviously. That would be silly.
More games need tradesman's entrances.
Tagged:
Ben Nevis,
The Captain,
Hayley the President's Daughter,
Jack Bauser,
Location - Burdener Island,
Location - Spain,
Lord Almond Burdener,
Max Valerion,
Peon F. Kennedy
Comments
Transcript
Title - 48: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xxix. "Shortcut"
(Jack Bauser stands before Lord Burdener. He is wearing a grey t-shirt with the word "CUT" on it in yellow letters, as well and combat trousers and combat gloves. Burdener is seated on his throne, holding his staff.)
Burdener: It seems that Saladzor is having difficulty taming the English bulldog. Saladzor had his chance. Bauser, go get the girl! Oh, and dispose of the petty arms dealer while you're at it.
Bauser: Consider it done. Just give me twenty-four hours.
(Burdener frowns beneath his hood and raises a finger.)
Burdener: ...Really? Can't it be done sooner? Because I've got things to do, governments to overthrow...can't really sit around waiting for you all day.
(Jack Bauser is dispirited by Burdener's reaction.)
Bauser: But I always get twenty-four hours...it's my thing.
Burdener: I'll give you ten.
Bauser: Fourteen.
Burdener: Twelve.
(Bauser turns and starts to walk out.)
Bauser: ...Damn it. Agreed.
Burdener: Well off you go then.
(Left alone, Burdener seems at a loss.)
Burdener: ...Now what do I do?
Narrator: And so-
(We see him playing Nintendo DS while sat in his throne. He's playing Nintendogs.)
Burdener: Aww, you're my little snugglywuggly puppy! Coo-chi-coo!
Nintendo DS: ARF!
Narrator: Back at the Castle-
(There is a door at the base of one of the castle's towers. A sign is nearby with a big red arrow pointing at the door.)
Sign: SALADZOR FAMILY CASTLE Tradesman's entrance (Entrada del comerciante)
(Pain emerges from the door.)
Pain: *Sniff* Ahh, that's better!
(Pain embraces the outdoors with open arms. The Captain and Ben follow on behind, loaded up with all of the Merchant's weaponry - a sniper rifle, grenades, bullets, bandoliers, machineguns, shotguns, knives and pistols. Ben is wearing a red bandanna, and the Captain has something similar, in that he has a grenade holstered on a strap tied around his hat.)
Pain: Out in the fresh...*fresher* air!
Captain: Could you imagine if we'd had to actually work our way through the castle?
Narrator: Meanwhile-
(In one of the castle's elaborate interior hallways, Peon flees a crowd of monsters while carrying Hayley on his back. Among the monsters are robed zealots carrying crossbows, maces, scythes and a rocket launcher, an evil suit of armour carrying a spear, a hovering giant bug thing, a blind mutant with sharp claw gloves, a troll in leather gimp-wear and a giant autonomic statue of Saladzor.)
Peon: WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Zealot: Morir es vivir.
Another zealot: Matalo!
Troll: RARGH!
Mutant: GRAA!
Bug thing: BZZZZ
Episode tagline: Yes, that is a giant stone robot Saladzor in the background of the last panel chasing Peon. And you know what? If I had my own castle, I think I'd want a giant statue of myself that could walk around stepping on people, too.
