Page Notes
Episode published on Monday 30th of April, 2007.
Notes from the original upload (on DeviantArt):
I think perhaps I overdid the lens flare on the large panel where he's ripping out the parasite, but I'll live with it. And as quickly as it was introduced, our friend the chainsaw now departs. Farewell, chainsaw. You gave us at least two memorable moments. That, and I forgot to write you in to the rest of the script (oops!). On the plus side, now we have a cast member who has something better than a chainsaw - a pair of hands attached to seven-foot of Scottish pride.
You encounter another Gigante sometime after the first, except this time you're trapped in a valley with it (oh sure, there's a flimsy wooden wall blocking your front and rear but the Gigante's weakness to wood keeps it focused on you).
Obviously the player doesn't get the benefit of a big burly strongman to help him. You're just expected to pump bullets into the cave troll until it collapses on to one knee, and then this big gooey spinal cord thing erupts from its back so you have to jump up on it and knife the slimy tendril until the Gigante throws you off. Rinse and repeat another two or three times, and then pick up the small stack of gold bars the giant just happened to be carrying on it (where would it keep gold bars, anyway? It doesn't even have pockets!).
Tagged:
Ben Nevis,
The Captain,
Location - Spain,
Max Valerion
Comments
Transcript
Title - 41: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xxii. "The Scots-man Cometh"
(Pain and the Captain walk along a pathway in a cavern. Tall cliffs surround them on both sides. Pain pauses, placing a finger on his chin as he looks around in thought. The Captain is looking at the glass eye he's holding between his fingers with disgust.)
Pain: I think we took a wrong turning.
Captain: I can't believe you're making me hold this thing.
Pain: I could've sold your arse to the merchant instead if you'd liked.
Captain: ...I'll hold the eye, thanks.
Narrator: Suddenly-
(One of the cave troll creatures leaps down from the cliffs and lands in front of the two with a large 'THUD!'.)
Troll: GRAAAGH!
Pain: SMEG!
(The Captain points at the troll.)
Captain: They have a cave-
Pain: (yelling) -WE GET THE DAMN POINT!
(Pain hefts the chainsaw and revs it dramatically.)
SFX: VRAAAAGH-*SPLUTTER*
(The chainsaw cuts out.)
Pain: Erm - It's empty. Double smeg.
(The troll leans over Pain and the Captain, preparing to grab them with its massive hands.)
Pain: Triple smeg. On toast.
(Someone calls out from nearby, much to the surprise of Pain, the Captain and even the cave troll.)
Voice: Oi, you!
(A silhouetted muscular figure stands on a cliff overlooking the three. The figure points at the troll.)
Figure: Yeah, ahm talkin' at you, laddie! Why don't you take on someone your own size?
Troll: RARGH?
Captain: Is that?
(Pain puts a hand on the Captain's shoulder.)
Pain: It is!
(The figure leaps from the cliff. He is a tall, muscular man with spiky ginger hair. He wears a pair of sunglasses, despite it being night, as well as a green sleeveless t-shirt, combat trousers and boots. He lands on the troll's back and the troll tries to swipe him off of itself.)
Troll: GRAGH!?!
(The man reaches down and plunges his hand through the skin of the troll's back, and then proceeds to rip out the troll's parasite with relative ease.)
Man: Here's the problem!
Parasite: SCREE!
Troll: URGH.
(The mutilated troll falls forward, dead, with a loud 'THUD!'. The man hops off of the troll's back and greets Pain and the Captain.)
Pain: *Ben Nevis! Thank god!
*Footnote: Ben Nevis was last mentioned all the way back in episode 11. Not that it matters, really. The only reason I mention it is because I've always wanted to do this editor's note type thing.
Ben: Sorry ah took so long, Boss. The folks around here are a wee mad.
(Captain lights up a fresh cigarette.)
Captain: I thought you were on vacation.
Ben: Guess where.
Pain: You're kidding.
Ben: Ah ain't. First class hotel my big fat Scottish arse. The amount of shit on the-
(Pain and the Captain look at each other.)
Pain and the Captain: We saw.
Episode tagline: I've hidden the name of one of my favourite Terry Pratchett books twice on this page. Can you find it?
