Page Notes
Episode published on Tuesday 2nd of February, 2010.
The momentous episode where the dreaded Comic Sans MS was ditched in favour of my new font of choice, Jester.
The laser corridor in Resident Evil 4 seems like a direct nod to the famous laser corridor scene from the original Resident Evil movie. It's a scene so good that apparently the Resident Evil films haven't been able to quite top it, so they've referenced it at least twice in later films. As such, in regards to RE4 it stands out like a sore thumb because Saddler's island base is a drab, dark stony affair and the laser corridor is modern brushed steel and, well, lasers.
My one regret is not getting a Time Bandits reference in there. "If I were creating the world I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o'clock, Day One!"
Tagged:
Ben Nevis,
The Captain,
Location - Burdener Island,
Location - Spain,
Max Valerion
Comments
Transcript
Title - 66: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xlvii. "Darwin's Laser"
(Ben opens fire on the gang of soldiers with his gatling gun.)
SFX: BRRAKAKAK-
Ben: Get out ay here, I'll handle these wee bastards!
(Pain drags the Captain along by the chain.)
Pain: Come on!
(The pair march down a corridor as a mob follows behind. On the wall is another "Big Burdener is Watching You" poster. Ben's gatling gun can be heard in the distance.)
Pain: We've got to find a way out of these bloody chains!
Captain: Ben has the key!
Pain: He's busy! We'll have to sort ourselves out.
Narrator: And so, five minutes of running around corridors and getting lost later-
(Pain and the Captain find themselves in a brightly-lit corridor that seems a little more technically advanced than the rest of the building. There are panels in the walls.)
Captain: I don't like the look of this corridor, Boss.
(A small panel in the wall opens up and a metal pad emerges glowing orange.)
SFX: VUMM-
(The pad fires out a solid orange laser. Surprised, Pain and the Captain jump, narrowly avoiding it.)
SFX: HSHHHHH!
Pain and the Captain: LASER!
(More lasers appear in the corridor, bisecting it horizontally. Behind the duo, an unlucky pursuing soldier has his legs cut off by one of the lasers, much to his surprise.)
SFX: HSHHH-KK!
Soldier: Ugh!
(Pain bumps the Captain out of the way and thrusts his arms out either side of an overhead laser, cutting his handcuffs open.)
SFX: HSHH-KK!
Captain: Wah!
(Captain tumbles. He lands on his hands, conveniently either side of another laser pad which cuts his handcuffs open.)
SFX: HSHHH-KK!
(Captain uprights himself, back-to-back with Pain.)
Pain: Bugger it! Keep up with me, now!
(In unison the pair dodge lasers; jumping, dancing and leaping over laser beams. As the corridor begins to fill with lasers from all angles, Pain grabs a loop of the chain tying him to the Captain and cuts it using an overhead laser beam. Pain grabs the Captain and stops him from advancing as two laser beams almost bisect their path.)
Pain: WAIT!
Captain: Wahh!
(The pair make it to the end of the corridor. Pain glares in horror as he realises that there's a locked door in front of them, while Captain nervously watches the advancing wall of laser beams behind them.)
Pain: Door.
(Captain points at the lasers, Pain points at the door.)
Captain: Lasers!
Pain: Door?
Captain: Lasers!?
Pain: Door!
Captain: Door?!
Pain: LASERS!!
(Captain switches places with Pain and begins hurriedly typing codes into the keypad next to the door. Pain watches aghast at the wall of lasers approaching ever closer.)
Pain: LASERS!
Captain: Door door c'mon stupid door-
Keypad: WRONG CODE WRONG CODE WRONG CODE
(Captain steps back, Pain removes his Magnum revolver from his jacket.)
Captain: DOOR!
Pain: DOOOR!
Keypad: WRONG CODE WRONG CODE
(Pain begins hammering the butt of his gun into the keypad.)
Keypad: WRONG CO - OW! OW STOP THAT!
Pain: DOOR! OPEN! NOW!
(He fires a round into the keypad.)
SFX: BLAM!
Keypad: EURGHH OKAY YOU WIN
(The door opens and the duo step into the orange-lit room beyond just as the wall of lasers reaches the door. A few steps in, Pain pauses and points accusingly at the wall of lasers blocking the doorway behind them.)
Pain: What…what the bloody hell was that? Why the f*** would Burdener have a pointless laser corridor outside of his-
(The Captain is admiring a throne in the middle of the room and speaks his mind.)
Cap: -Throne-
Pain: -his throne room! How would he get in here without being cut to pieces?!
Cap: He probably accessed the door panel with his huge extendable veiny purple…(as he realises he touched the keypad) I need to wash my hands. Like, now. Preferably with petrol. And fire.
Pain: You know, maybe we ought to get some of those security lasers back at H.Q.?
Cap: I dunno, Boss. Our staff can barely remember the codes to turn off their walkie-talkies, let alone laser beams.
Pain: You have a point there. I shouldn’t encourage any natural selection at Detulux. We wouldn’t have any staff left at the end of the week otherwise.
Episode tagline: I don't know about you, but I certainly feel that everything is more interesting with lasers.
