80: If You Love Some...THING, Set It Free

Page Notes

Episode published on Sunday 11th of October, 2015.

It took so long to finish the previous storyline that, by the time we'd made the joke about Detulux doing Resident Evil 5, Capcom had released Resident Evil 6 as well as several RE spin-offs and remasters. Still, we managed to get this out before Resident Evil 7 at least!

RE5 was very controversial when it was first announced, as it basically looked like a muscular white dude killing his way through hordes of coloured people. One of my favourite parody videos dubs over one of the first trailers with the line "I'm Chris Redfield...and I'm a racist". This is something I'd utter several times while playing the game with Sam.

In case you didn't know (or had forgotten), the wildlife in the Detulux gardens is very interesting.

Tagged: Ben Nevis, Bono, The Captain, Location - Detulux HQ, Location - Paris, France, Location - The Detulux Gardens, Max Valerion, Reggie the Henchman

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Transcript

Title - 80: "If You Love Some*THING*, Set It Free"

(We see the Detulux compound at sunset. Several figures can be seen on the edge of the woods. The figures are revealed to be Ben and Pain releasing Ben's pet into the woods. Ben's waving as the monster trots off. Evil yellow eyes can be seen in the darkness of the forest.)

Monster: GRAAAGH...

(Ben is tearful, clutching at his face to hide the tears. Bored, Pain hands him a hanky. The Captain stands behind them, putting a fresh cigarette into his mouth.)

Pain: Now now, Ben. He'll be happy out there, lots of forest to gallop around, and all the ghastly mutant rabbits he can eat. He's with his own kind now…horrible, mutated freaks.

(Ben blows his nose, lowering the hand that had been hiding his face.)

Ben: Ah ken. *Sniffle*

(Pain continues to look disinterested as Ben blows his nose. The Captain approaches, pulling out his lighter.)

Ben: *Snort*
Pain: And you can come out here and see…whatever you called him whenever you want.
Captain: We found out that the creature's lab code was "U2", which just happens to be one of Ben's favourite bands.

(Captain lights his cigarette as he talks. Ben lowers his hanky, looking miserble due to having to say goodbye to his pet.)

Captain: So he's named it after the lead singer.
Ben: “Bono”.
Pain: Charming.

(Pain attempts to comfort Ben by patting him on the shoulder. Ben appreciates it, cracking a small smile despite it being clear that Pain is struggling to empathise with him.)

Pain: Well you can visit Bono whenever you like. Throw him a raw steak every now and then.
Captain: (sneering) Heh, sure, as long as you wear a radiation suit.

(Pain turns his attention to the Captain. Both men look as though they can't believe what the other is saying.)

Pain: What's that supposed to mean? I was led to believe that the radiation was relatively safe for us?
Cap: You kidding? One of the guards patrolling the forest came back last week with eight fingers and two thumbs.
Pain: (confused) And?
Captain: On his chest.
Pain: Oh.

(Both men are grinning now, sharing a joke.)

Captain: And this other guy, he came back from the forest and found that his tongue had grown six inches and he was suddenly able to breathe through his ears.
Pain: Must make him very popular with the ladies!

(All three men are startled as a henchman plays on a full drumkit behind them, much to their surprise.)

Drums: BAH-BUM-BUM-TISH!

(The henchman runs off as Pain shakes a fist angrily at him, yelling. Ben and the Captain are just perplexed.)

Pain: …What the hell do you think you're doing!?! Get back to work!

Narrator: Next time on Detulux Incorporated!

(The scene is a random village in a hot climate, the ground dry and sandy. The boys are being cornered by a group of coloured people armed with knives. One man has a sack on his head and is wielding a chainsaw. Another, very large, man is carrying a gatling gun. There are also a couple of men in grass skirts armed with what appears to be a cross between a spear and a mace. In the background, more people are climbing over walls to join the mob. There's a reaction shot from Pain. He looks perturbed.)

Pain: I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole.

(The Captain scratches his head, confused.)

Captain: What's wrong with touching black people?
Pain: (yelling, distressed) Don't even go there!

(The final section is a gradient going from black to white to represent the move away from the previous storyline. Text is posted over it.)

Narrator: IMPLIED RACISM! ETHNIC BACKGROUNDS! CONTROVERSY! ALL THIS AND MORE NOT ON DETULUX INCORPORATED!

Episode tagline: Seriously, I'm not touching that one with a ten-foot pole. I wouldn't even know where to find a ten-foot pole anyway, in my experience most Polish people are of average height.