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37: Occupant Sin 4 - xviii. As Darkness Falls

[Chapter 1: Occupant Sin 4]

37: Occupant Sin 4 - xviii. As Darkness Falls

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Chapter 1: Occupant Sin 4

Mr. S. Pain goes to Spain! Travelling to a remote rural location with the Captain to buy a biological weapon, Pain finds himself suddenly up against a massive cult of Spanish brainwashed zealots out for his blood.

Can the intervention of a seven-foot Scotsman and a well-dressed woman who looks suspiciously like his accountant save the day? And what role does the druggie superagent Jack Bauser play in things?

(It's basically Resident Evil 4. Seriously.)

Page Notes

Episode published on Saturday 24th of February, 2007.

Events transpire in the game that night does eventually fall, and it falls hard. Upon meeting enemies in the darkness, you quickly realise the following:

  1. The eyes of the villagers glow red in the dark.
  2. Decapitating a villager at night means that there's a chance of their parasite horrifically bursting from their neck and flailing at you for fairly massive damage.

Night time perils aside, let's talk about Ashley. Every time Ashley joins you, the game becomes an escort mission to ensure her safety. Unlike most escort missions in games, escorting Ashley is fairly well-developed - she'll follow your orders, duck out of the way if you point your gun in her direction, and can even provide a distraction if you're willing to risk using her as bait. You see, when the Ganados aren't busy forgetting that Ashley is vital to their leader's plan and attacking her, they endeavour to pick her up and carry her off; if they succeed in reaching an exit with her, it's game over.

This is where Ashley becomes a downright nuisance. Her cries of "help me Leon" will cause you to grind your teeth and looking to leave her cowering in a dumpster becomes not only an act of keeping her safe, but also a means of preventing her from finding cause to repeatedly stab your eardrums with her shrill cries for help.

Tagged: The Captain, Hayley the President's Daughter, Location - Spain, Max Valerion

Comments

Transcript

Title - 37: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xviii. "As Darkness Falls"

Pain (monologuing): Night fell, and we discovered what was really going on with the locals.

(It is indeed night now. Pain and the Captain recoil from one of the farmers, whose head had burst open and revealed a horrific flailing parasite thing. The Captain points accusingly at the monster.)

Farmer: SCREE!
Captain: Agh! He has HIVES!

Pain (monologuing): Some subtle marksmanship was required to overcome the situation.

(Pain fires wildly with his revolver at the creature, his eyes closed as he unloads rounds into it.)

Pain: DiediediespawnOFSATAN!
SFX: BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Pain (monologuing): We rescued Hayley several times.

(A farmer carries Hayley off over his shoulder; Pain levels his revolver at the farmer's legs.)

Hayley: Help me, Pain!

(Later, a rotund female farmer prepares to lodge her axe into Hayley's head. From behind her, Pain aims his gun at the back of the woman's head.)

Hayley: Help me, Pain!

(Later, Hayley is splashing around in water, apparently drowning. Behind her, Pain stands upright as the water is only ankle-deep. He seems peeved.)

Hayley: Help me, Pain!
SFX: SPLASH! SPLASH!

(Later, inside a house, Hayley stands on a chair holding her skirt as she stares down in terror at the horror of a small, cute mouse. Pain is stood next to the chair and is looking down at the mouse with indifference.)

Hayley: Help me, Pain!
Mouse: Squeak?

(Later, Hayley grapples with opening a particularly difficult bag of crisps. Pain is visibly furious.)

Hayley: Help me, Pain!

Pain (monologuing): Unfortunately, the villagers eventually succeeded in capturing her away from us.

(A farmer carries Hayley off into the distance; Pain waves his fist at both of them as he yells.)

Pain: And you can f***ing keep her, too!

Pain (monologuing): One thing led to another and now the whole village is searching for us. And they have a very big chainsaw.

(We return to the present. Pain and the Captain are sitting up against the wall of the house they took refuge in at the beginning of the story. The aforementioned chainsaw revs outside.)

SFX: VRRRRRRRRRRRM!
Captain: ...You ever wondered how come there's, like, one hundred villagers out there, and yet back in the village I only counted about five or six small shack houses.
Pain: Inbreds, Captain. They'll sleep anywhere.
SFX: VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRM!
Captain: Ah. You know, I've heard that chainsaw revving for at least five minutes now. When do you think they'll actually use it?
SFX: VRRRM-VRR-

(The chainsaw's tip cuts through the middle of the door next to them, splintering wood.)

SFX: VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAGGGHH!
Pain: Now, apparently.
Captain: Meep.

Episode tagline: Those lighting effects are the shizzle.