Page Notes
Episode published on Sunday 11th of February, 2007.
I'm really not sure where this came from. I did want to sell Ashley off to the Merchant on numerous occasions (he could've made a mint selling her back to Saddler) but obviously the thought never crosses Leon's mind, especially since the entire reason for him to be out in the middle of rural Europe is to rescue her arse in the first place.
As for the Merchant, there's just something about the balaclava, the leather straps and the coat that made me feel that he's one of those types who gets up to kinky, dirty business behind doors. The kind of kinky, dirty business that requires a person to wash their eyes with wire wool once witnessed.
By the by, it turns out that Ashley is twenty years old in Resident Evil 4, so it's all perfectly legal. Why you'd want to make love to a brainless jug-eared chimp is beyond me, but then George W. Bush has kids so there really is someone out there for everyone.
Oh, and I totally had to go back and redo the inventory screens in this strip so that they were not copyright-tastic game screenshots.
Tagged:
The Captain,
Hayley the President's Daughter,
Location - Spain,
Max Valerion,
The Merchant
Comments
Transcript
Title - 35: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xvi. "Close Encounters of the Tasteless Kind"
(Pain emerges over the verge of a hill, only to find to his disbelief that the Merchant is up ahead, waiting next to one of his flaming blue torch markers.)
Pain: You again! How the hell did you beat us up here?
(The Merchant puts on an innocent expression.)
Merchant: I...er...snuck past while you were in the church!
Pain: Riiight. Let's have a look at what you're buying and selling then.
(Pain browses his own inventory for things he can sell.)
Pain: Hmm...
(He notices that among the other items listed in his possession - a flash grenade, his revolver, the Captain’s UZIs and a green herb, “Hayley’s Virginity” is also listed.)
Pain: Er-
Merchant: It's been two years since my last sexual encounter, stranger! I'll buy it at a high price!
Pain: Well...
Narrator: And so-
(Pain counts through the wad of Euros he's been given in exchange for Hayley's virginity. In the alleyway behind him, Hayley stands in a dumpster and quizzically watches as the Merchant stands in front of her.)
Merchant: Oi've got a rare thing fer ya, girlie.
(He opens his coat flasher style. Thankfully, he has his back to the audience.)
Hayley: Oh. My. God.
(The Captain cringes, sticking his tongue out at the events transpiring behind him, while Pain stifles his gag reflex as he stuffs the wad of cash into his jacket.)
Pain: Eergh. What else can we sell?
(To Pain's shock, in his inventory screen "Hayley's Virginity" has been replaced with "Your Ass". From the dumpster where the Merchant and Hayley are committing unseen acts, the Merchant turns to call out to Pain.)
Merchant: I swing both ways, stranger.
(The Captain spews up off-panel, Pain gags violently.)
Pain: Eergh!!
(The Merchant winks at the audience. In the following panel, we see a DVD case where the front image in the Merchant sat in the same cross-legged pose as Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. He's even wearing stockings.)
Panel: COMING SOON TO A DVD NEAR YOU - BASIC INSTINCT 3: HELLO, STRANGER!
Episode tagline: Before you all call me a sick pervert, I want to reassure you that Hayley is of consenting age. Barely. As for the Merchant, the less said the better.
