Page Notes
Episode published on Tuesday 6th of February, 2007.
Quite a few things to cover here, starting with the fact that the villagers - not content with overpopulation of farmer to household ratio - apparently decided that the best route of expansion was to set up incredibly rickety walkways around the nearby cliffs, rather than going over them. You can't help but wonder what the mortality rate was around the village before everyone became infected with parasites and secret agents showed up and started shooting people.
There are around eight character models for farmers in Resident Evil 4, if that. You'll quickly begin to recognise most of the characters when playing, so when one of the characters turns up wearing a hat, you'll certainly appreciate the attempt at "variety" (I'm pretty sure that I actually said "ooh this one has a hat" the first time I encountered a farmer with a hat, because I am easily amused).
Oh yes, Ashley. The President's daughter. The whole Macguffin of the game. I'll talk more about her in the notes for a later episode, but the mechanic of leaving her arse to hide in a dustbin while you carry on playing the game is most appreciated.
The person who keeps leaving bullets inside barrels is a kind soul, but sometimes they show their dark side by leaving a snake inside instead of goodies. I reckon it's all the Merchant's doing, myself. Arsehole.
Tagged:
The Captain,
Hayley the President's Daughter,
Location - Spain,
Max Valerion,
Peon F. Kennedy
Comments
Transcript
Title - 34: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xv. "Enter: Peon F. Kennedy"
Pain (monologuing): With a new grasp of the situation, we headed onwards - across rickety walkways -
(Pain and the Captain are crossing a flimsy looking wooden walkway next to a cliffside. Pain has paused to rub his forehead with his left hand, while behind him the Captain has put his foot through one of the flimsy planks and it looks like he is about to plummet off of the side of the walkway.)
Pain: God I hate heights.
Captain: WAAAGH!
SFX (breaking plank): CRACK!
Pain (monologuing): - and through more freak infested lands -
(Pain is being throttled by a farmer in a hat, but he does not seem to mind as he is genuinely excited about finding a farmer who looks slightly different from the rest by virtue of wearing a hat. The Captain is unloading both his UZIs into a farmer who has been knocked to the floor.)
Pain: Ooh! This one has a hat!
Captain: Cool!
SFX: DAKKA DAKKA!
Pain (monologuing): - until -
(The pair are back to walking through countryside. Pain hears a voice form behind.)
Voice: Excuse me?
(Pain turns to find a young woman peering out of a nearby disposal skip.)
Woman: Excuse me, have you seen a man walking around?
(The Captain leans in to offer his two cents.)
Captain: It's a girl, Boss.
Pain: I can see that! (To the woman) What man?
Woman: He looks a little bit like Leonardo Di Caprio. He told me to wait in here while he scouted ahead, but he never came back.
(Pain straightens his jacket's lapel, apparently annoyed because he can see where this is going.)
Pain: Never mind that, who are you?
Woman: Hayley. I'm the President's daughter.
(Pain gives in, rolls his eyes and waves to her to follow as he strolls off.)
Pain: Of course you are. Come on, follow us!
(The Captain helps Hayley out of the skip.)
Hayley: Who are you?
Captain: Detulux Incorporated, ma'am. At your service!
Pain: This man you lost? Who is he?
Hayley: Secret service, works for my Dad.
(Pain guffaws heartily.)
Pain: Hah, rent-a-meat-shields! He could be anywhere.
Narrator: Meanwhile...
(The secret service man, Peon F. Kennedy, is stood in front of a tall wooden barrel with his combat knife in his hand.)
Peon (thinking): I'll just open this barrel with my knife. I'm so smart!
(He pops the lid off of the barrel, and a red-eyed snake leaps out at him.)
Snake: HISS!
Peon: WAAAAAGH!
(Peon runs from the shack, his arms flailing comically as the snake has attached itself to his scalp.)
Snake: HISS!
Peon: Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!
(The game over screen appears, except this time it says "You Got Owned" rather than "You Are Dead".)
Episode tagline: That is one pretty kickass hat.
