82: A Typical Sunday

Page Notes

Episode published on Sunday 25th of October, 2015.

An interesting story behind this one. So I was watching the cutscenes* from the lesser-known Batman game that was released on the Nintendo Gamecube and Microsoft Xbox, Batman: Dark Tomorrow, and I was astounded at how many similar story beats there were to the far more popular and modern Arkham games.

*I have never owned an Xbox or Gamecube, I'm a one-console man and it will always be Sony. Unless SEGA resurface in the hardware market, which is unlikely.

Dark Tomorrow is strikingly faithful to the comics, and nailed the following story beats long before Rocksteady came along and blew it out of the water with Arkham Asylum:

• Batman's trusty ally on his headset is Oracle, providing useful intel to progress the game (you even get to see her face which is something that wouldn't happen in the Arkham games until the third instalment).
• Various rogue's gallery villains are fighting each other for turf and all sides have suspiciously been supplied with high-grade weaponry by a third party (this would be a subplot in Arkham City).
• The Joker takes over Arkham Asylum (letting all the inmates out in the process) and holds Commissioner Gordon hostage (literally the plot of Arkham Asylum!).
• A confrontation with Killer Croc in the sewers under Arkham.
• A confrontation with Poison Ivy in a wing of Arkham involving a giant plant monster.
• A confrontation with Victor Zsasz in a wing of Arkham where he's a relative pushover.
• A climactic confrontation with the Joker where he basically stands around and taunts while sending mobs of goons after you. Commissioner Gordon is tied up to a chair during the fight.
• The main plot all being masterminded by Ra's Al Ghul, the Demon's Head (spoilers for Arkham City there!).
• A swordfight confrontation with Ra's Al Ghul (admittedly the one in Arkham City is under heavy drugs and has a trippy surreal vibe to it).

You could admittedly argue that these are all classic Batman tropes, and so it's not surprising that more than one game would feature them. I was just surprised how specific the similarities were!

Anyway, the final scene in Dark Tomorrow has Ra's giving Batman the typical villain James Bond monologue about how he's going to set off a doomsday device and I drunkenly considered how funny it would be if, in the middle of all the dramatic tension, some random third party snuck in and took the doomsday device for themselves. Except they weren't that stealthy about it and accidentally interrupted the monologue.

Standing in for Ra's here is a man who looks suspiciously like the chap who played him in Batman Begins (spoilers!), Liam Neeson. Snake Girl and Centaur Lass were inspired by Escher Girls and two of the prevailing problems people in the comics industry have with drawing women. The blog has a host of tips for how to draw people correctly and Sam recommends any aspiring artists take a look!

Tagged: The Captain, Centaur Lass, Max Valerion, Snake Girl

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Transcript

Title - 82: "A Typical Sunday"

(A castle sitting on top of a mountain range. Three figures can be seen on one of the turrets. They are having a showdown, one being a villain holding a remote for missiles that he is threatening to launch. He is wearing a brown suit, red shirt and a goatee which is greying at the edges. The other two are female superheroes known as Snake Girl and Centaur Lass, both wearing garish costumes fitting those themes. Snake Girl's torso is particularly elongated and Centaur Lass is actually a centaur.)

Villain: When I press this button-

(The nameless villain is interrupted by a scream from behind as Pain falls from the building behind, holding a loose rope. Pain is wearing a black turtleneck jumper and grey combat trousers rather than his usual white suit. He picks himself up, the villain watching, bewildered.)

Pain: OOOWWWW, GODDAMMIT CAPTAIN, YOU INSUFFERABLE BASTARD! OWWW! JESUS H. CHRIST AND ALL HIS FRIENDS! OWWW!

(He starts to dust himself off.)

Pain: SUCH A SIMPLE BLOODY TASK OF MAKING SURE MY ROPE IS SECURE-

(Looking up at the roof, he shakes his fist.)

Pain: -HEY! DON'T RUN AWAY YOU BLOODY COWARD! HOI!

(Pain stops yelling as he realises he has an audience. Snake Girl looks impatient, the others are varying degrees of confused. Pain clasps his hands together and takes on a pleasant demeanour.)

Pain: Oh, do excuse me, I so rudely interrupted and you lot were quite clearly having "a moment". Do carry on!

(The villain turns back to the heroes, brandishing his remote and preparing to press the big red button on it.)

Villain: When I press this button, several nuclear missiles will be…

(He rubs his temples, the situation clearly not working for him.)

Villain: ...I'm sorry, no.

(He turns back to Pain, pointing accusingly at him.)

Villain: Who the hell are you?
Pain: Oh, me?

(Pain leans forward, producing his business card.)

Pain: My card. Mr. Pain, Detulux Incorporated.

(The villain inspects the card. In the background, the heroes watch, perplexed.)

Snake Girl: Don't you make, like, washing machines and cookers and stuff?

(Pain takes on a bored expression, counting off the products they actually sell on his fingers.)

Pain: Officially, yes. Unofficially, we mainly trade in firearms, artillery and general war-based machinery.

(The villain offers Pain back the card, Pain rubbing his neck awkwardly.)

Villain: And you're here, why?
Pain: Er…skiing holiday. Took a wrong turning.

(The Captain appears above them, waving down at them looking pleased. He's wearing a black shirt under his armour instead of the usual white and a black hat in an attempt to be more stealthy.)

Captain: Boss! We've got all the missiles loaded up! Piece of cake, just like you said! Let's get out of here!
Pain: (sarcastically) Perfect timing, Captain.

(Aghast, the villain frantically hammers on the big red button on his remote with his finger. In the foreground, the heroes laugh at him.)

Villain: You're stealing my warheads!?!?
Snake Girl: Hississ hiss!
Centaur Lass: Hee haaw haww!

(Pain smirks. He's very satisfied with how this has all worked out.)

Pain: I can see that this might get confrontational, so…

(Pain pulls out his Magnum and shoots the other three people present in the kneecaps.)

Snake Girl: SSSSHI-
Centaur Lass: NEEEIIGHHH!

(Pain walks off whistling while the three other people cradle their knees.)

Villain: Arghh...Bastard...
Snake Girl: Ssssonova...
Centaur Lass: But I don't want to go to the glue factory...

Episode Tagline: I hate to tell you folks this, but this is the last issue of Snake Girl and Centaur Lass. Sales just weren't picking up, I'm afraid.