Page Notes
Episode published on Sunday 11th of November, 2007.
There's a reason why I'm an amateur writer, and always will be. One of the reasons is that sometimes I don't really have an idea about what's going to happen at a certain point, and I'm a big believer in "letting Future Sean worry about it". This ethos is fine in terms of practicality, up until the point where Future Sean becomes Present Sean, and then Present Sean swears at Past Sean for being such a lazy arse.
Case in point, the knife fight. In Resident Evil 4, this is a quicktime event that is fairly brutal - one wrong button press and Jack Krauser slits Leon open in a nasty (but also bloody hilarious) manner. My script for this scene was literally the sentence "Pain and Bauser knife fight", which would have made for quite a boring page, so I thought I'd go nuts and cram in as many different game styles and interfaces that are variations on "press buttons at the right time to proceed" as I could. How many did you get?
Tagged:
Ben Nevis,
Bono,
The Captain,
Jack Bauser,
Location - Burdener Island,
Location - Spain,
Max Valerion
Comments
Transcript
Title - 58: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xxxix. "Press 'Start' to Play"
(Pain readies himself on the gantry, as Bauser charges forward swinging his knife. An "A" button for the Nintendo Gamecube appears with the word "DODGE" - a quicktime event! Pain dodges out of the way, Bauser's knife barely missing his face. Another quicktime event appears, an "X" button for the PlayStation along with the word "SWIPE". Pain brings his blade in an arc towards Bauser's head, but he ducks it. A third quicktime event appears, requesting the player to swing a Nintendo Wii controller to "COUNTER". Pain and Bauser's knives lock as they counter each other. Colourful input discs from the game Fahrenheit - or Indigo Prophecy if you live in the U.S. - appear on screen. Suddenly everything goes pixelated as the fight reverts to the 8-bit era.)
Pain: You fight like a dairy farmer.
(Of the possible responses Bauser can give, including "I am rubber, you are glue", "Comrade" and "Look! A three-headed monkey!", the player's cursor hangs over "How appropriate. You fight like a cow", the correct response as in the Insult Swordfighting segment of the game Escape from Monkey Island. The graphics revert to normal, and Pain beckons Bauser forward.)
Pain: Very good! You know your retorts, but how's your footwork?
(Pain and Bauser circle each other as arrows appear on screen, like in the game Dance Dance Revolution.)
Pain: If I step here...Very good! And now I step again!
(The graphics revert to the 16-bit era. A lifebar hovers above both Pain and Bauser. The player presses the combination of forward, down, down-right and punch. Pain launches a powerful uppercut, knocking the knife out of Bauser's hand using his own.)
Pain: SHORYUKEN!
(Bauser, infuriated, grabs Pain around the neck and arm with his hands.)
Bauser: Enough!
(Bauser pushes Pain to the ground, standing above him. The words "SMACK DOWN" flash up on screen. The surreal game interface gags finish and Bauser wrestles the knife out of Pain's hand, keeping one hand around his throat. Bauser lets the knife linger above Pain's face while he pins him to the floor.)
Bauser: You're here, so where's Ben Nevis? I'd have liked to take him on, he'd have actually been a challenge.
Pain: He decided to scout on ahead. No doubt he's busy.
(Somewhere outside, leaping across platforms in the dark of a cavern, a foul half-human monster lashes its inhumanly long tongue out. Coming the over direction is Ben Nevis, arm outstretched in preparation to clothesline the beast.)
Monster: GRAAAAGH!
Ben: Here ah come!
Episode tagline: Jack Bauser never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
