124: The Consortium - vi. The Sour Grapes of W.R.A.I.T.H.

Page Notes

Episode published on Sunday 11th of February, 2018.

So, if you haven't twigged yet, W.R.A.I.T.H. is the Detulux equivalent of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. from the James Bond films (or S.M.E.R.S.H. if you're a fan of the books). It would be massively self-indulgent to outline every single character reference here so I don't plan to. I just hope this entertains any die-hard Bond fans out there who read it as I had a real blast writing the W.R.A.I.T.H. characters.

I will say now that some of the W.R.A.I.T.H. line-up differs from that of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. - I've added some characters from all over the 50+ years of Bond that I just really like and think would have a place in a modern criminal organisation. There's also incarnations from both the old and new S.P.E.C.T.R.E. (or "QUANTUM" if you want to be pedantic).

Tagged: The Captain, Daniel Bleu, Den Ikkeenhed, Elijah Cutter, Frank Sancho, Hydric Goldfisher, Location - Consortium Meeting Warehouse, Mara Kyler, Max Valerion, W.R.A.I.T.H.

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Comments

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Transcript

Title - 124: "The Consortium"
Subtitle - vi. "The Sour Grapes of W.R.A.I.T.H."

Narrator: Ten minutes later...

(Pain and Captain make it through the sign in. Behind them the unfortunate henchman who was attacked by the two doctors is being attended to by a medic.)

Captain: Wow.

(It is revealed that the Captain is impressed by a huge conference room, with a large conference table in the middle. It's very angular in design. The room is full of people mingling, some supiciously familiar faces to movie buffs can be seen. Off to one side of the room is a vast buffet table. A henchman carrying a drinks tray passes Pain, who grabs two glasses of champagne.)

Pain: Try and find my accountant, Captain.

(The Captain goes to take the second glass from Pain, but he whips it out of reach much to the Captain's annoyance, not intending to relinquish either glass.)

Pain: I'm just going to mingle for a bit.
Captain: Sure. Can't think of anything I'd rather do.
Pain: Well if you want to find her via the buffet table I won't-

(The Captain immediately disappears towards the buffet at top speed. Pain mutters to himself.)

Pain: You just can't get the help these days.

(Pain notices a group of five men stood nearby. He necks both champagne glasses and tosses them over his shoulder. He hasn't noticed that Samara the accountant is following him, arms crossed and amused by his actions. Two of the men in the group are having a conversation we only catch a snippet of.)

Man with scar: All of your stockmarket listings are wrong!
White-haired man: I know that; I just made them all up yesterday!

(Pain places his arms around both of these men, interrupting the group.)

Pain: Well if it isn't the five stooges!

(The five men are introduced by narration boxes. The first man is fat with blonde hair wearing a old-fashioned tweed suit.)

Narrator: Hydric Goldfisher, Hydric Enterprises (fish exports)

(The second man is one of the men Pain has his arm around. He is slim with black hair and has a scar over his left eye, the pupil slightly milky. He is wearing a smart modern suit in dark grey and dark red.)

Narrator: Den Ikkeenhed, private banker

(The third man, the other man Pain has his arm around, has spikey white hair, wireframe glasses and a black suit with grey turtleneck. He's holding a computer tablet.)

Narrator: Elijah Cutter, the Cutter Media Group (news media)

(The fourth man has tanned skin, a long face and a white suit with a blue shirt sans tie.)

Narrator: Frank Sancho, Sancho Cartel (illegal narcotics)

(The last man in the group is short, slightly sweaty and has a face that looks a little goblin-like. He isn't wearing a complete suit, instead opting for a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up.)

Narrator: Daniel Bleu, Bleu Planet (environmental "protection")

(All of the men look seriously unimpressed by Pain interrupting them.)

Goldfisher: Hmpf. They let you in?

(Den Ikkeenhed knocks away Pain's arm.)

Den Ikkeenhed: Please refrain from touching my jacket, it cost more than your entire wardrobe.
Pain: Sure thing, dickhead.
Den Ikkeenhed: That's "Den Ikkeenhed", actually.
Pain: I know your name, mate.

(Pain goes around the group.)

Pain: Let's see now..the media, drugs, food, banking, and...?

(He pauses at Daniel Bleu, unsure of what he does.)

Bleu: Water.
Pain: Of course, you're the little tit who privatises water sources. Now, what would these five completely unrelated sectors have in common?

(Pain snaps his fingers in mock realisation. He still has an arm around Elijah Cutter. Behind them Samara's phone goes off, playing the lyrics "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover" from the song "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks.)

Pain: Oh yeah! You're all on W.R.A.I.T.H's payroll!
Cutter: That's not news.

(Pain pokes Cutter's tablet, winking. He still has an arm around the man.)

Pain: And you of all people would know, wouldn't you, Mr. World-wide 24/7 Rolling News? So why are you guys here?
Cutter: It doesn't hurt to throw in with another enterprise, Pain.
Pain: Well have I got news for you! Did you know that your boss is here? I bumped into him out front!

(Cutter seems surprised.)

Cutter: Grünveldt's here?!?

(Goldfisher rolls his eyes.)

Goldfisher: Of course he is.
Cutter: You knew!?
Goldfisher: It would be pretty bad if W.R.A.I.T.H's treasurer didn't know the movements of his primary employer, wouldn't it?

(Den Ikkeenhed pulls out a handkerchief and dabs at his face. He's crying a tear of blood from his scarred eye.)

Den Ikkeenhed: I still don't know why I'm not the treasurer.

(Goldfisher snaps at his colleague, blustering.)

Goldfisher: Because you're a compulsive gambler and can't be trusted with all the money!

(Pain leans in towards Den Ikkeenhed, who wipes the blood away from his eye using the hankie.)

Pain: Yeah, no need to cry about it mate. You should probably get that looked at, too.
Bleu: If you don't mind, we were all having a private conversation?

(Pain lets go of Cutter and leans down to address the small man.)

Pain: My apologies, please, do get back to shafting the free world for all it's worth.

(As he walks away, he points at Sancho, who instinctively covers his champagne glass to protect it from Pain.)

Pain: Nice suit, by the way. Good colour.

(Pain walks away into the crowd. Behind him, the five men glare after him.)

Goldfisher: Buffoon.
Cutter: Cretin.
Sancho: Capullo.
Den Ikkeenhed: Prick.
Bleu: Er...who was that guy, again?