Page Notes
Episode published on Sunday 28th of September, 2008.
It's a handful of random gags that follow on the end of this page, since I wasn't sure which one to go with, so I went with all of them. The whole "alternate ending" thing is a gag that webcomic Bigger Than Cheeses favours, and so I thought I'd have a go at one since this page rather hinges on Pain being dangerously genre savvy and knowing that Bauser will fall into the trap of Bond villain stupidity (it's alright, he's new to the villain game, only a few days/hours before this he was an awesome hero). So although the alternate ending is probably more realistic, it would rather put a premature end to the comic...
If you want to make your own XBox Achievements...I dunno, Google it? The website I generated them at has since closed.
Yes, I know - the alternate ending reflects what would've probably actually happened. That's why I put it in! Let it not be said that I cannot be playfully subversive...or subversively playful, whichever is the wider by far!
Tagged:
Alternate Ending,
The Captain,
Jack Bauser,
Location - Burdener Island,
Location - Spain,
Max Valerion
Comments
Transcript
Title - 63: "Occupant Sin 4"
Subtitle - xliv. "Dropping Out"
(Bauser goes to stab Pain in the face with his blade wing. Pain flinches.)
Pain: Hold it!
(Bauser holds the tip of his blade wing to Pain's throat. Pain holds his hands up defensively.)
Pain: You couldn't grant a guy a last wish, could you?
Bauser: Like what?
Pain: Perchance...a cigarette?
(Captain perks up suddenly. Bauser removes a mostly-full packet of "Fluke Hits" from his combat trousers.)
Bauser: Sure.
(He pulls a cigarette out of the packet using his mouth.)
Pain: Well don't just stand there, Captain, give the man a light!
(Captain lights Bauser's cigarette using his lighter, shaking and sweating from his nicotine cravings.)
Captain: S-sure th-thing.
(Bauser takes a big drag on the cigarette while the Captain audibly whimpers. Bauser holds out the cigarette towards Pain.)
Bauser: Hey, you know what my favourite hobby is?
(Captain bites his lip in desperation.)
Bauser: Torture.
(He drops the cigarette and stamps on it. Captain is aghast. Overcome with anger, he leaps at Bauser.)
Captain: BAAASSTAAARD!
Bauser: What the-
(Captain grapples Bauser, snatching the cigarette packet from the waistband of the mercenary's trousers.)
Captain: Gimme!
(Captain shoves Bauser backwards, pleased with his packet of cigarettes.)
Captain: Thanks!
(Bauser flaps his arms as he topples backwards over the edge of the tower. He swipes his blade wing at the Captain as he falls, snipping off the tip of the man's army cap visor. Captain is too engrossed in the packet of cigarettes in his hand to notice. Bauser plummets off of the tower.)
Bauser: DAMN IIIIIIIII-
SFX: THUD!
(Pain looks over the edge of the tower down at Bauser.)
Pain: Well, that went better than planned. I was hoping you'd just distract him long enough for me to throw a rock at him or something!
(Captain scrabbles around on the ground for the cigarette Bauser stamped out. Finding it, he sticks the flattened cancer stick in his mouth and takes a drag. He gives a thumbs up to Pain.)
Captain: Mmm, it's still good!
Pain: You just stole a whole packet of cigarettes, and you're smoking one that's been stepped on?
Captain: Can't let it go to waste! Where'd Bauser go?
(Pain sighs, rubs his temples with one hand in frustration while pointing at the ground with the other. Captain looks over the edge of the tower.)
Captain: Oh...my bad!
(Four Xbox achievements show underneath the comic.)
Achievement 1: Jack Bauser Owned
Achievement 2: Actual plot development beyond Jack Bauser
Achievement 3: Smoking Addiction Takedown
Achievement 4: Gratuitous Xbox360 Reference
Episode tagline: When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauser, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
Narrator: Bonus alternate ending...
(Back at the point where Pain asks Bauser for a last wish of a cigarette, except this time Bauser stabs Pain in the throat with the tip of his blade wing.)
Bauser: No.
Captain: (shocked) Dude! Not cool!
Narrator: But that obviously didn't happen.
